Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
