Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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