I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
