Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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