oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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