he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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