So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
