so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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