you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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