She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
