I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
