So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
