someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think I just sharted jello shots
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