quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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