I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
