god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
