just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
