omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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