apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
