The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This baby is an asshole
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
