the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I could fuck to npr.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
