tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
