haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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