I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
