Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Alive.
So much puke
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
