Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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