i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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