Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
