i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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