Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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