I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
