tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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