it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
