She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
