Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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