You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
