So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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