rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
