Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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