Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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