D3 body, D1 cock
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
