ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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