East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
