I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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