is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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