so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
