How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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