i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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