she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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