after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
