first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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